Just like everyone else, I’ve been given tons of advice from family, friends and partners of mine. They’re always well meaning but some advice has been a lot more helpful than others. I decided to make a list of the top four pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten and I hope it can help you too.
“Just Do the Best You Can”
I consider myself a hard worker with an all or nothing mindset. I either fail or succeed. This black and white thinking is characteristic of borderlines and I’ve had to actively learn to combat it. Since being given this advice, I don’t feel compelled to be perfect – just to do the best I can, and this has been so freeing.
“Welcome, and Then Learn From Your Mistakes”
I used to be afraid of making mistakes because I didn’t want to look stupid in front of anyone. Over time, I’ve learned that It’s OK to make those mistakes as long as I learn from them and that people aren’t really paying any attention to me anyways. They’re too busy focused on themselves, so who cares? I wanted to protect my ego and I was too afraid to make mistakes and as a result, I ended up on the sidelines a lot. I’ve missed a few big opportunities in my life because of this fear and I’ve decided that it’s better to take the risk than live in regret.
“Set Your Own Standards”
This bit of advice firstly reminds me to have standards, then work up or (mostly) down to them. My standards are unbelievably high for most things in my life and I end up failing because they’re simply unrealistic. This ties once again into my borderline where my black and white thinking doesn’t allow for much wiggle room. I need to learn to be more realistic and set high standards for only those things that are most important to me.
“Do What Makes You Feel Good About Yourself”
They say when your life is in sync with your values, you live in peace. Whether its reading a good book in the middle of the day or going to workout, I get to choose what makes me feel good. Although I initially thought this was pretty selfish, I’ve realized it’s not. When I’m feeling better, I can guarantee that those around me feel better. With Borderline Personality Disorder, people tend to walk on eggshells around me and that is the last thing I want. I’ve learned to take care of myself better, to better take care of those around me.
These are just a few of the pieces of advice I’ve gotten over the years that have helped me find a bit more peace in my life. What advice have you received that’s been helpful to you? Let me know in the comments!